I'm Not Normal, And That's Okay

 Seven years, seven years of what felt like normalcy. No mania, little depression and absolutely no psych meds and then all of sudden I am here again. An ache in my chest and a restless mind that won't let me sleep. As if I'm that 30 year old that had lost all control, but I haven't. I still show up for work everyday and do my job. I still take care of myself an my family. It definitely hasn't won yet, but I feel lost, worthless and more than a little angry. I believe the last 7 years I have lived in ignorance, maybe even denial. 

I thought that maybe I had "beat" bipolar disorder. I won. It seemed to have for all intensive purposes to have vanished. Whatever symptoms came up I believed I could just use my coping skills and that they would be all but extinguished. What I didn't expect is that regardless of how well I think I'm doing, I can't cope myself out of the massive amount of trauma I have experienced over the years. The pain that's been inflicted upon me and in all fairness the pain that I have inflicted on others. I can't just blink, wave my wand and *poof* it's gone. 

Now I find myself back in the throws of battle with an invisible enemy. An enemy that doesn't want me to succeed. An enemy that wants to leave me broken and bruised. I just can't allow it. Therapy and psych meds are back on deck and I absolutely CANNOT let this illness take from me everything I have worked so hard to get. I have to remind myself that I'm not normal and I do have this illness. I'm not normal, and that's okay.